you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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