dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
