it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
