Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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