i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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