she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
