We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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