ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
