I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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