all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
my liver is dry heaving
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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