Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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