toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
