do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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