I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
