Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When are your genitals available?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
