Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
