i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
