i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
