girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
