At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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