Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
