the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
