I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
