Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
