At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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