God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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