That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
