Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
