my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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