You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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