Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
