Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
