I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
