just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
