You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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