And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
