Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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