Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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