what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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