Sry I called you an 8
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
