just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
