I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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