wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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