I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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