The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
