Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
