Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
