You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
