Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
