Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
