508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
