i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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