God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
