when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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