i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
