I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
