Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
