half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
